Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
