I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
