I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
