Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
