Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
