check it out our google latitudes are spooning
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize