Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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