Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
one two three fourrrrnication!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize