the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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