i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
