this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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