you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
jump out the window naked night went bad
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
