So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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