She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
