Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
