i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize