im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
