I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
