I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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