Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
