Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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