his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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