Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
