Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
