had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
