Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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