you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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