It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
