I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
