I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
