I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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