is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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