You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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