Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
