i think my tv is drunk
I hope mine doesn't look like that
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
