That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
