I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
