A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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