worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
