Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
