Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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