Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
