you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
