benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
