Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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