Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
