Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We are two peas in an std pod
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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