Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
