ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
