I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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