evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
