no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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