my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
