Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
someone owes me an orgasm
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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