I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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