Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
