I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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