Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize