Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
