Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
is that a dick in a sweater?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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