i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
