non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
