i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
