It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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